Insanely Blessed

Cancer survivor tips

2012-01-12T08:38:00.000-06:00

I just feel the need to share this. My friend Sarah, who is also a survivor, (and a tough one at that!) sent me this and I love it. It does have some wording I don't love, but the points made are valuable to anyone.

I don't know if anyone can fully understand what it's like to have a life threatning diagnosis, until you have one. Somtimes I try to explain to my husband how I feel about things, but I just don't think he totally gets it.

After you go through something like cancer, and REALLY realize how quickly our lives can be taken from us, or our loved ones can be taken from us, you start to think a bit differently.

People we love become more important to us. Memories become more important. Living for TODAY becomes much more important. I don't take life for granted anymore like I used to. Yes, I still have days that I'm crabby, or bad days, but a lot of times, God will bring to mind that I have TODAY. I am not promised a tomorrow and to snap out of my mood and be thankful! Appreciate people and what I have.

Don't wait for tomorrow to do things because tomorrow may never come. Enjoy your TODAY.

Here's the link.........................

http://crazysexylife.com/2011/survivor-tips/

I Lift My Hands

2011-12-09T16:10:00.000-06:00

100. A clear CT scan of my lungs. Praise God!

Is his Grace enough?

2011-12-09T08:50:00.000-06:00

I was reading my devotional this morning, and the question he asked was, " What if God's only gift to you was his Grace to save you?"

What if? What if that was his only gift? His son, to save us from hell. Would that be enough for us?

Because in all honesty, we don't even deserve that.

Day after day we sin against our holy God, and yet, he gives us the gift of his son and all we have to do is receive the gift.

This was a tough devotional this morning for me because he mentioned how we pray for our children's health, and how we pray for cancer to be removed from our bodies.

Of course, no coincidence once again. (ha ha)

As most of my friends and prayer warriors know, I've been having chest issues.Chest tightness, wheezing, shortness of breath, and of course, anxiety.

Yesterday I had a CT scan done of my lungs. This morning I see a pulmonologist. Of course I've been praying for just that, "Please God, let it just be my asthma, or my anxiety/panic attacks acting up again."

I keep reminding myself last night of a few weeks ago when I was worrying and God gave me the stick that Gracie brought out of her class that said " HEALER" on it. (Which by the way, I can't find that stick and I am heartbroken over it!, I searched high and low for it yesterday!)

Yesterday I went to get blood drawn and the Starbucks across the street was calling my name. I ran into my friend Sarah there, who is on her second bout with cancer. It's a sucky reality in this fallen world that we have to deal with cancer and sickness and death. I do believe God can heal. Sometimes he does.

But the question is, if he doesn't answer our prayers for healing, IS GRACE ENOUGH?

Very sobering question for me this morning. Thanks a lot Max Lucado. lol

At the end of the devotional he said, Make a list of how God has given you GRACE UPON GRACE. Above and beyond the Grace of saving us from hell.

Since i was already making my thankful list , I just added more to it this morning............

62. My health. Cancer removed from my body.

63. God's word to read, to get to know him better.

64. My husband.

65. My four beautiful children

66. Warm house

67. Food

68. Hot coffee

69. Two sweet little dogs that love me.

70. Beautiful Christmas tree to look at.

71. A loving daddy who is healthy at almost 81 years young.

72. Friends who truly care about me and love me.

73. Acquaintances who do nice things and care.

74. Kevin's Job

75. A sister who loves me.

76. Brothers that love me too. :)

77. The gift of being a mommy.

78. A van to drive.

79. People who speak God's truth into my life.

80. Books to read.

81. The ability to home school.

82. Beautiful sunshine.

83. Microwavable heating pads to warm my cold feet.

84. Hot showers/running water

85. Chocolate

86. Gracie and Autumn and their love for doing art projects and making huge messes.

87. peanut butter pie

88. Paper and pens.

89. God making a way for me to purchase a bible I wanted.

90. Gracie coming to sit by me when she wakes up in the morning.

91. Tired husbands who lay on the couch in the morning.

92. Running into Sarah at Starbucks yesterday.

93. Prayer. That we can talk to God whenever we want to.

94. Friends that pray for me.

95. Cell phones.

96. Washing Machines.

97. Dishwashers. (Because I can hear then both running and doing my job for me)

98. Emails from friends.

99. Christian music

Speaking of Christian music...

Thankfulness

2011-11-25T13:19:00.002-06:00

I've been slacking on getting this up on my blog. I've been writing in my 1,000 gifts journal and have not had time to get it on my blog............I'll post a few.......

1. Jesus Christ. My savior
2. Waking up my kids in the morning and seeing them all snuggled together.
3. My beautiful daugther Autumn.
4. Ben coming up and giving me hugs and a kiss on my arm.
5. Henry, my dog, following me everywhere and sitting with me all day.
6. Gracie walking Brutus around on a leash.
7. Gods word to read.
8. Hot coffee.
9. Toast with Jelly.
10.Warm sunshine on my face.
11.Relaxing music.
12. Watching my kids out the kitchen window.
13. Texts from my son.
14. My husbands patience with me.
15. Beautiful trees and farmers field out my window.
16. Emails from my husband.
17. Frozen thin mint cookies.
18. My sister.
19. Sunshine.
20. My daddy.
21. How my son Jake helps clean the house.
22. Morning quiet time.
23. Happy dogs riding in cars.
24. Knowing people are praying for me.
25. Spending time alone with hubby.
26. Sisters that stay with our kids when we need to go to Mayo.
27. Comfy chairs at Starbucks.
28. Starbucks.
29. Showers.
30. Nice hotel rooms.
31. The Lords word saying, " I will bless you".
32. Gracie doing artwork.
33. Jake coming home from school.
34. Monday night bible study.
35. My girlfriends.
36. My church family.
37. Watching my kids play outside.
38. Friends visiting.
39. Precious words from Mary.
40. When my son Jake leaves for school and tells his brother, " Be good ok? and be nice to your sisters".
41. Kevin cleaning the house.
42. Kids on each side of me, snuggling on the couch.
43. Thoughtful people.
44. Hearing birds in the morning.
45. My family. Being able to spend time with them.
46. My dad, coming over to visit during the week. Everything he does. Who he is.
47. A warm house.
48. Left over stuffing.
49. Christmas trees.
50. Joy tea.

Grace Amazing-Jimmy Needham (w/ Matt Chandler & John PIper)

2011-11-16T15:54:00.000-06:00

A friend shared this and I need to share it with all who read my blog. :) LOVE IT. God loves YOU so much, do you know that?? By GRACE ALONE we are saved. Thank you Jesus.

God cares.

2011-11-16T15:46:00.003-06:00

I just have to share how God is so involved in the small stuff in our life.

I have had a continuous struggle with fear my entire life. I know I have written about fear several times, and told my story about losing my mom at 11 to cancer, and always fearing I would get it, and I did. I feared it to the detail of even how my mom wanted a house, and they bought a lot, and then built it, and then she ended up dying. When we were going to buy this house we live in now, I had fears, that maybe we shouldn't buy this "dream house" of mine because then surely I will get cancer.

Well I did.

I had coffee with a very spirit filled women last week and she brought a verse to my attention that I had previously made note of months ago and forgot.

Job 3:25

For the thing I greatly feared has come upon me,

And what I dreaded has happened to me.

Some may take that verse differently, and verses sure can be taken out of context. But we all know that Satan hates us and wants us to fear, be sick and die.

Joyce Meyers had something on her status the other day, I think it was a few days after I had coffee with my friend and her status said this~

"When we allow fear to rule us, we unwittingly receive what Satan has planned for our lives instead of what God has planned."

Isn't that a bold statement? But to me it rings SO true. Satan steals my joy every single time I decide to listen to his lies and fear cancer coming back.

I was prayed over that day at lunch, and I was told to rebuke Satan every time that liar comes at me with the whispers about my future.

I put scriptures on little cards to read and pray when I feel fear. Fear is not of God.

One good one that I put on a card is ~

2 Timothy 1:7

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

So when I feel fear, I start praying, "Thank you God for giving me a sound mind, I will not fear!"

My friend said look of every scripture on fear and write them down. Study it. The more I use scripture the less Satan will use that fear against me.

This morning I took my kids to their homeschool class. After I got them all in their classes, I had about 10 min before my study started so I went in the book store.

I have to tell you how God shows how much he cares, even in our little worries.

The group I go to, I usually don't know what the topic is going to be about unless I look it up online, I just show up and get surprised as to what they are going to talk about.

So I went to the book store and bought this book ~

Then I go find my seat in our group and there is papers laying there on the table on what the speaker is talking about today. Here's the paper.........

Facing our Giants, Identifying fear. I thought, how appropriate is that! I had to show the girls at my table the book I just purchased. So I get to spend 2 hours listening to and discussing fear. Awesome.

Then, I pick up my youngest from her class, she hands me her paper and her little project she made.

It's a stick with a red piece of yarn tied to it, and on one side it just says her name. Gracie. That's all I saw.

Then later, I flipped it over and guess what it says on the back? This is when my tears started flowing.......

God was speaking to me today, every step of the way this morning when I walked into church.

When I met with the friend over coffee, she gave me scripture about Jesus strips for our healing.

I've posted before about how my calender showed one day,

" I am the God who heals" on a day I was feeling worry.

How good is he? He knows what my anxiety is. He knows what Satan likes to make me fear about, and he's showing me, He's here.

Right here with me.

He's my healer.

No need to fear.

Is it like he's reading my mind? Yep. Because he is, he knows our thoughts. He knows how to send comfort and peace when we need it.

I love that about God.

I feel thankful to have a relationship with God. There's no one that can know me or love me or comfort me like him. :)

Praise be to my Jehovah-Shalom.

It all leads back to sin.

2011-10-20T08:03:00.002-05:00

Yesterday my nephew posted something on facebook. Here is what he said~

"With millions of Christians praying for God to help them with their marriages, wouldn't you expect their divorce rates to be a bit lower than other people's? But atheists/agnostics are in 1st place with 21% followed by 24% of 'other' Christians and 27% of Evangelical Christians. I'd be interested in hearing any ideas why."

Yesterday I responded, but not prayerfully. Today I have a better answer for him. This morning I was praying, (not about this specific issue at all actually,) I got to my devotional and God led me right back to the book of 1 John, which is where I've been reading after I'm done with my devotional reading. God knows that I have not yet "thrown off" a continual sin, so he's bringing me back to the same passages over and over, until I do it. I love how he so mercifully does this. He isn't slamming down his commands on me, he gently brings me back to certain scriptures and reminds me of what I am or am not doing. Just like a parent has to keep reminding their children to do something over and over until they get it, I am God's child and he's doing the same with me. :)

Hebrews 12:1

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

1 John 1:5-7

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

Light represents what is good, pure, true, holy and reliable.

Darkness represents what is sinful and evil.

God is light~ He is perfect and holy, and true.

The light exposes whatever exists.

Darkness cannot exist in the presence of light.

Sin cannot exist in the presence of a holy God. If we want to have a relationship with God we must put aside our sinful way of living.

To claim that we live for him and belong to him but then go out and live for ourselves is hypocrisy.

Christ will expose and judge such deceit.

As for my nephews question. It comes down to sin.

It can be the death of marriages for sure.

We who say we are Christians, followers of Christ, are witnesses to those who don't know him.

This is why many unbelievers stay unbelievers, because those of us who call ourselves Christians are not living a life that glorifies Jesus. We are not shining his light.

It just convicts me more and more that I need to use the power of the holy spirit to throw off my sinful nature because I am supposed to be shining Christ in my life.

It makes me sad to think that I, one who calls myself a Christian and a follower of Christ may be showing darkness instead of light.

I pray that God changes that in me.

When it comes to marriage, or any relationship it's the same.

If we claim to live for Christ, but then live for our self and our own selfish needs and desires instead of the other persons, we are hypocrites.

Imagine if we lived in our marriage completely selfless and for the other person, if we did things to make the other person happy instead of ourselves, would their be divorce? I don't think so.

That is how Jesus lived. Sacrificially. For others. IF we are followers of him, we are to lay down our lives, live for others not ourselves.

My dear nephew, it's not that God is not answering those prayers for their marriages. It's that people are living for themselves, they are not living the example Christ set. Of course we are human and we will never be perfect on this earth. But when we accept Christ as our savior, (which we need because we are so sinful, and we could never make it to heaven because of that) when we really accept him and ask him to be our savior he gives us the holy spirit and the power of the holy spirit lives in us to help us live more like Jesus.

So us Christians, we need to live in the Grace and power that God has given us to have good marriages.

I Surrender.

2011-10-03T13:56:00.002-05:00

I was reading a devotional this morning that I got in my mail.

Something she wrote was God speaking directly to me,

"Do you trust me Amy?"

Here it is~

"So I have a choice to make. Will I believe that God’s plans are better than my own? Will I risk stepping out of my comfort zone? Do I believe the growing pains I’ll face will be worth the blessings that will come?

Do I trust God to really take care of me?"

Oh goodness.

I've been writing about it in my last few entries, that God has been speaking me to tons about my many sins, and things he wants me to run from and never look back like Lots wife.

Some things I have already begun doing, not perfectly of course, but I started! One thing I was holding on to was my shopping. Not just my shopping but all the shopping for the family.

I have never been good with money and tend to overspend. I've blogged about it before. It's one of those continuous battles I face that the evil one doesn't want me free from.

This morning I wrote my husband a letter (yes I did give it him) and let him know that I am ready to "surrender" my beloved shopping to him. (That's a good indication right there it's an IDOL for me, beloved?")

Shopping is my release. When I am stressed, I shop. When I am sad, I shop, when the kids and I need to get out of house, We shop! Yeah, that's a problem.

I told him I want to live for God and put God first, and I want to give God our first fruits and our first 10%, and that isn't going to happen with me doing the shopping. So I have to let it go.

I not only have to let that go, but I have to let go of my supplements. Now if you've had cancer, you will know this is some scary business. Since I had cancer I have been taking many many supplements a day to keep the cancer away. I've been trying to prolong my life by myself. That's a pretty big task considering I am not God. But that is where her writing spoke to me.

Do I trust him or NOT?

If I worship him as God, and I pray to him hoping for answers, then I must trust him right? Do I believe he is who he says he is?? I taught my kids this morning that God is Sovereign, that he controls everything, Do I believe that? So if he wants me to live, I'll live whether I take those supplements or not right? If he wants me to get cancer again and die, I will. Period. Why is it so hard for me to let go and let him be God?

Do I believe that he loves me? That he loves my husband and my kids, and my daddy? Yes I do. Then I need to believe he will only allow the best for me, even if it means giving up some things I love, or things I put my faith in? As I'm sitting here writing, I can hear my kids CD with kids singing the song.......How great is our God by Chris Tomlin.

How appropriate is that to be playing in the back ground?

How Great IS our God? How much does he love us?

He loved us enough to to die for us.

Can you think on that in simple terms if that is possible? If your spouse, friend, or even a complete stranger gave their life for you, for something you did wrong, would you feel you owed them something?

I feel I owe him something. My life.

As a living sacrifice to show him that I appreciate what he did for me.

Here's a beautiful song saying it all...........

There is no love,

Sweeter than the love

You pour on me.

There is no song,

Sweeter than the song

you sing to me.

There is no place that

I would rather be… than here

At your feet laying down everything.

All to you, I Surrender…

Everything, Every part of me.

All to you, I Surrender…

All of my dreams, All of me.

If worship's like perfume, I'll pour

Mine out on you.

For there is none deserving of my

Love like you.

So take my hand and draw

me into you.

I want to be swept away,

lost in love for you.

All to you, I Surrender…

Everything, Every part of me.

All to you, I Surrender…

All of my dreams, All of me.

I surrender, I surrender

(Cause I trust you God)

O, I surrender.

(All my hope is in you)

And I surrender.(I place all my trust)

O' I surrender (to you God)

O' I surrender (cause your ways are far better than mine)

OOOOoooo I Surrender… yea yea

All to you, all to you, yea, yea

O I Surrender, I surrender

I surrender (all to you my God)

O I Surrender, I surrender

I surrender…OOooooh…

No turning back, I've

made up my mind.

I'm giving all of my life this time

You're love makes it worth it.

You're love makes it worth it all.

You're love makes it worth it.

You're love makes it worth it all.

All to you, I Surrender…

Everything, Every part of me.

All to you, I Surrender…

All of my dreams, and All of me.

You're love makes it worth it.

You're love makes it worth it all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSgn-nmBpNY&feature=related

The Mayo visit

2011-09-30T09:07:00.000-05:00

This is Doctor Moore checking my neck for lumps. Thankfully, none there! :)

Funny we both have the same look on our face. This was our discussion about when I come back and what happens then.

He's letting me skip my Dec appt with him, and see my ENT in town for that visit, although, now that I asked for that, I think I will actually miss seeing Dr. Moore! lol. We decided I will come back in March to Mayo and have my 2 yr PET scan three months early. I'm glad I'm having a PET again, but of course, those always worry me! I'll just be praying and trusting God that it's a good NED scan!

The last picture, I asked for, and he so graciously said sure! It's funny, when I first met this man, he was all business, not personable at all, just looked at my PET told me what he could do for me and that was it. But the more visits I have, the sweeter he gets and I can tell he really does care about his patients.

I thank God for this man, someone so devoted to caring for other people's lives.

and I thank God for healing me through Mr. Moore.

More of him.

2011-09-29T08:18:00.000-05:00

I don't know why, but sometimes I just feel led to share what I am learning along the way here. I'm sure by sharing my thoughts and being such an open book, sometimes I may not make myself look real good but I am OK with that.

I think God wants me to share my faults and airheadedness with others so they know they are not alone.

I was with some of our church family last night, and I realized how much we are all on different levels. Some are so advanced in their faith and knowledge of our Lord, and not just knowledge, but true heartfelt understanding and love for our Jesus. Then there's others, like me, who all along have thought the love I had for God was good, and in my mind, I did love him, but in reality I wasn't doing much of loving him at all.

The wonderful thing about our God is that he gives LOTS of Grace and Mercy and Love. He knows us. He forgives us when we ask for it. I am so thankful of that.

I think back to blogging in the spring when I went for a walk in the morning and I was walking toward the sunshine at 5:30am and it was so bright and warm and it just felt so good. I just remember the feeling I had that I didn't want to turn around and walk the other way, or go in the house, I just wanted to bask in that sunshine.

That's how it is with Jesus. The closer you get to him, the more time you spend with him, the more you want, and the more you love him.

He loves to bless us and give us favor.

I was reading this morning, Psalm 34

God will deliver us from fear, save us from our troubles, guard and deliver us, show us goodness, supply our needs, listen when we talk to him and redeem us.

But the following statement was, to receive these things, we must do our part.

What is our part?

Crying out to him, trusting him, fearing him, refraining from lying, turn from evil, do good.

So it's not a one way relationship here. Yes, He loves us. No matter what. He died for us, and you don't die for someone if you don't love them A LOT.

But when we do our part in the relationship with the Lord, he blesses us more. He gives us favor.

I want that.

God's been really working in my life the last few months, really convicting me of things and opening my eyes to things, and helping me understand things that I didn't before. He's giving me wisdom that I prayed for. It's a bit scary. lol.

Jesus' light is not only warm and inviting and feels good, but sometimes his light shines nice and bright and uncovers some really ugly sin in our hearts.

There's a verse that I heard this week that struck me pretty deep. The New king James version is this~

Psalm 66:18

If I regard iniquity in my heart,

The Lord will not hear.

Here's a few different versions of the verse~

If I had cherished sin in my heart,

the Lord would not have listened;

All believers, come here and listen,

let me tell you what God did for me.

I called out to him with my mouth,

my tongue shaped the sounds of music.

If I had been cozy with evil,

the Lord would never have listened.

But he most surely did listen,

he came on the double when he heard my prayer.

Blessed be God: he didn't turn a deaf ear,

he stayed with me, loyal in his love.

The verse is saying, if you have sin in your heart, if you become cozy with it, living with it daily and accepting it as OK, God turns his ear from you.

That scares me. I do NOT want God to turn his ear from me and not hear my prayers. Will he still love me? Yes he will. But sin can put a wedge between us and God. He's a holy God and can't be around or tolerate sin.

No, we can't EVER be perfect in this life here on earth. But we can sure be more aware of our sin and not allow the sin he shows us to dwell in us.

I have sins that dwell. They've been dwelling for a long time, and it's time I get rid of them.

Jesus died so that I could be a victor not a victim.

The bible says we are more then a conqueror in Christ.

We need to make the decision to put Christ FIRST in our lives.

We need to stay in position where we receive his favor and blessings, that position is a repentant heart. Loving him, making him LORD of our life, and repenting of our sins DAILY.

I want God's favor and blessings. I don't want to live insignificantly for Jesus. I want to be his hands and feet and face and let him be seen through me. I can't do that and continue to have unrepented sin in my heart.

I was reading in 1 John Tuesday morning and recorded some verses.

1 John 1:6-7

If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

The commentary says~

Just as darkness cannot exist in the presence of light, sin cannot exist in the presence of a holy God.

If we want to have a relationship with God, we MUST put aside our sinful way of living.

To claim that we belong to him, but then go out and live for ourselves is hypocrisy. Christ WILL expose and judge such deceit.

What we need to think about is, what does living for ourselves really mean? It means, we are not putting him first. We are not living for him. We have idols in our heart. We love other things more then we love God and put those things before him. It could be anything that you choose to love more then God.

Things God has shown me lately as Idols are~ my own comfort and convenience are idols for me. Wanting to be able to relax when I want, do what I want, not having to clean up after others all the time. A clean house is an idol for me. Being accepted by others, another idol...........

For some, it may be money, or sports, or exercise, or their looks, anything can be an Idol to us, something we put before God. It's got to go!

They are Idols of our heart and God wants to be first.

Remember, we will have to stand before him one day and give an account. He IS coming back. What will you have to say when you stand before the mighty king? I sure don't want to have to hang my head and say I'm sorry that I thought "I" was more important then the King of Kings.

We are to have no other God's before us.

Exodus 20:3

“You shall have no other gods before Me.

Deuteronomy 5:7

‘You shall have no other gods bbefore Me.

Judges 10:13

Yet you have forsaken Me and served other gods; therefore I will no longer deliver you.

Back to 1 john 1:6-7 that I posted above, We can't love God and court sin at the same time.

When we commit our lives to Christ, by accepting him as our LORD and savior, and thus identify ourselves with him, his death becomes ours. We need to die to self.

If that is not happening, maybe we never really accepted him as LORD.

It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately about myself and my own relationship with him.

1 John 2:3-6

We know that we have come to know him if we keep his commands. Whoever says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person. But if anyone obeys his word, love for God[a] is truly made complete in them. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.

1 John 3:6-10

No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.

Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray. The one who does what is right is righteous, just as he is righteous. The one who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work. No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God. This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God’s child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister.

I don't want to be known as a child of the devil. No thanks. I'm a Jesus girl, which means I should be lookin like a Jesus girl.

Today in reading Psalm 34 I wrote down, When we take the first step of obedience in following him, we will discover that he is good and kind. As we trust him daily we discover how good he is.

That is my mission to give up Amy for him. More of him and less of me.

I should have stood up.

2011-09-20T20:04:00.000-05:00

So the last post I actually wrote on the 19th, yesterday morning, but I didn't publish it right away.

Last night I went to listen to a speaker, and once again, God blew me away.

He either puts the right things in my hand to read, or puts ME in front of the right people, always at the perfect time.

So I had my "revolution" in the morning then go and hear this women talk.

What did she talk about you ask? ;)

Well first she talked about how people would rather "SEE" a sermon, then "HEAR" a sermon. In other words, the gospel being LIVED OUT, not just someone talking about how wonderful Jesus is, or saying they are a Christian, but LIVING it.

Not preaching him, but LIVING him.........

Hmmmm, funny she's talking about that when I just got my wake up slap in the morning. ;)

The rest of the night she spoke on the book of Ruth. If you don't know the story, you need to get your bible out and read it. It's a great book of the bible.

How the story was told last night was that Elimelech and Naomi who were from Bethlehem, took their family, (themselves and their two sons Mahlon and Killion) to live in the country of Moab. At that time that was probably not the best decision because Moab was a place of disobedience and Idolatry. The two sons married Moabite women (Ruth and Orpah) which was another no-no.

Naomi ended up losing her husband and her two sons. They all died. So she was left with her two daugther in laws.

Things were just bad for Naomi and eventually, she heard that God came to the aid of his people back in Bethlehem, she wanted to go back home again.

The speaker kind of used Moab as a "place" we go when we are not following God. A bad place, full of sin and disobedience and Idolatry.

Could be anywhere or anything for us. Whatever our particular sin is that keeps us away from following the Lord, that's our Moab.

Instead of living in a place like Bethlehem, where you know God is providing and things are good, you "visit" a place like Moab, and sometimes you stay there, sometimes for a long time.

For me, My Moab would be, not laying down my will, not living in God's. So of course, this struck me as a powerful talk from the Lord.

The speaker said, If you are in Moab,

Are you ready and willing to head back to Bethlehem??

Are you ready to rise up from the place you are living in?

She asked for those who were to stand.............. I should have stood up. I knew what I learned in the morning yesterday, and I Knew what I needed to do. I needed to stand, and I needed to be prayed for, that God will help me through this process. I need to head on back to Bethlehem.

At the end of the night, they asked the new people to fill out a card and when you filled it out, you hand it in, and they give you a free cd of a teaching. I picked one, out of the girls hand, not looking at what they were. I put it in my CD player in the van on the way home.

You KNOW what it was about. I didn't even get to finish it yet, but what I did listen to of it was ~

Ephesians 4:17-

So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking.

She says to live a life WORTHY of the calling.

And.........

"If you wanna know why you don't have abundance, you have to choose to let him change you. Who will you serve?"

(remember, I was wondering why I didn't have fruit?)

We can't be on the fence. We can either serve God or serve man.

I should have stood up. Cause I'm ready to get out of Moab and I'm running back to Bethlehem.

Lay my life down.

2011-09-20T16:20:00.000-05:00

And I find peace, I find peace.....

And my soul sings.....

I'll post all the words to the song at the bottom, right above where you can listen to the beautiful song.

I am feeling peace today.

This morning I felt my soul singing as God finally gave me the wisdom I've been seeking.
I know I've expressed on my blog before about God answering prayers or speaking to me, but I love to share it because he is so real and so involved in our puny lives if we look for him.

So the last month or so God's been doing some serious chiseling away, and frankly, I didn't like it very much.

I've been on antidepressants for about 20 years for anxiety, I God decided about 4 or so months ago that it was time for me to be off of the meds.
It was a slow weaning process with lots of headaches and dizziness and just plain stinky. I survived, and thankfully my family survived it too.
I think I am over all the withdrawal symptoms now, whew.
Unfortunately, after with drawls were over, something even more ugly came from not taking the meds. It was, the real Me, my "inner self", my heart............my ugly, broken, selfish, heart.
This is not a person that I wanted to meet, and I'm pretty sure my husband and kids didn't either. Not to say that I was never crabby before, but this was different.

The bouts of anxiety I have are nothing compared to the crabby girl I became.
My patience was thin, My tolerance of pretty much anything was real low, everything made me crabby, or yell, or pout, or cry.
Sounds like a simple solution of get back on the meds right? I thought, " If I have all these symptoms, I must need the medicine."

Thankfully, I have a mom, who is strong in her faith, someone who's been through anxiety/panic/depression before, who had the guts to say to me, " You don't need them".
Of course I thought , who is she? Is she crazy? What does she know?

Then I picked up a book, and in this book, she explained that our anxiety and or depression is not always from a chemical imbalance, that sometimes, it's from..............our heart.
That we need to look at what is going on in our hearts, (meaning sin) and take care of it and the problems will fade away.

So, I began on a journey, one that I really didn't want to be on. lol.
My crabbiness really didn't get any better. Most days I'd be crabby about 10 min after someone would interfere with my quiet time.

I finally started wondering, really, what is my problem anyway? I mean, I am a Christian. I have been for about eight years, so if I'm a Christian women then why don't I have the fruit of the spirit to prove it?

I searched scriptures every morning. I seriously killed my brain reading books, bibles, commentaries, even asked sisters in Christ what the deal was. I came up with nothing. Nothing!
Talk about frustrating.

My pastor did two sermons, in the last few weeks about sin. ( Of course, just another coincidence).
The first one, which was the 4th of Sept he talked about ~Christ living in us........

We are to live in accordance............

Because of Jesus that we can live a holy life...........

Was I reflecting Christ?

Sinfulness is ALWAYS about selfishness............

He talked about the tongue, and how if you can bring destruction with your words~ fear for your soul.........

A heart turned toward God gives Grace........

Let go of selfishness...........

Gospel says to die to self..............

If we live selfishly, we are betraying the gospel of Christ............

Of course during this sermon, I was not feeling well. At all. I almost felt the need to get up and get out of there. (This sickness started before the sermon so I'm quite sure it was the evil one trying to keep me from hearing what I needed to hear)

So, of course, now I'm MORE frustrated that he was talking to ME. Everything he said was true, and it was all me. It was one of those sermons where your sitting there thinking, "what does Tommy know about my heart and did he write this sermon especially for ME?"

So back to more bible reading.........book reading, searching for answers, praying............asking friends..........Nothing.

Nothing.................really God?

Then a week's break of a sermon with a guest pastor talking about God and how much he loves us and how we can look at him like our "daddy", good heart warming sermon.

Still crabby..............still frustrated..............still searching for answers to why I don't have the fruit.

I google "sin" and I find great info on how to kill it. I print it all. Make a Sin binder........I'm feelin a bit better.......I'm going to figure this all out.......

What in the world is God doing???

This weeks sermon~

Doctrine and Living.

Again, speaking right to me.

You can know the doctrine.
You can read the bible and know the verses.
You can call yourself a Christ follower.

Examine ourselves..............
live wisely, not foolishly...........

We have an "idea" of ourselves, but that is not REALLY who we are inside....

Look carefully how you walk...........

Don't be foolish but understand what the will of God is.

To find God's will~ Kill mine.
Lay down what I want.
Until we yield ours, we can't find his.

Take all my wants and desires and lay them down..............................

His will is perfect for us.

Tommy said, " It scares us because we have not grasped the truth that God the father wants more for us then we do".

So I walk out of church, go home and be crabby. Why? Because I don't get it. Because I'm frustrated.
When I look at myself, when I examine the Amy within, I am not laying down my will.

I don't know how, or what that means...

I do all these wrong things, my heart is ugly. Am I even saved??!

So last night, I email my pastor out of frustration. My poor friend Tommy............I just let it all out. All my frustrations and questions.............why didn't anyone have any answers for me and was he planning on explaining the "how to's" next weeks sermon? lol

(Which by the way is our "friends day" for people to come check out our church, so please come! Unless, you don't like convicting sermons, then you may want to stay home. lol)

So, last night, I pull out a book, (that a frind from church gave me over a year ago and I never read it) out of my kitchen hutch (where I stash important things that I am not using), and I open it up and start reading it. It's about Agape love.
I start reading about this women and how she was so moody and crabby and her thoughts controlled her, and..........Is this book about me?
The random page I'm reading leads me to Chapter 14, Which is "Eight steps to survival". It's eight steps to surviving, from......................Sin............
I decided since this is not my book and I shouldn't write and highlight in it to make copies of the entire chapter. So I did that last night.
Then this morning I began reading it............
and the fog cleared..............

Finally! Praise Jesus, God finally broke through the steel trap and I understand!!!!!!

The reason that I did not have God's fruit was because I was not laying down my will! I was not laying my life down for him.
Boy, do I feel like an idiot.

All these years, thinking I am living for Christ, and I was living for ME! I thought I was following him, but really, I was following no one but my own selfish stupid will!
I can't help but throw my hands up and say, Why? Why didn't anyone explain this to me years ago? OR........

Why was I so blind to this but yet thought I loved God?

Laying down your life/will for God is not about morning devotions. It's not about going to church on Sundays, it's not about doing bible studies, It's not about ANY of that!
(These ARE good things, that we should be doing, they do help you grow, but they are not what brings forth the fruit)

It's about giving up EVERYTHING you want, for EVERYTHING HE WANTS. It's about letting your dreams, your plans, your wants.........your comfort..............DIE.

Like he did.........On the cross..........for you and I.

What does that look like?

Being a living sacrifice for God. Basically instead of killing an animal as a sin sacrifice like they did in the old testament, you are IT, but you are alive. lol. You sacrifice yourself, your life, while your living.

We Deny ourselves~ denying our "justified" feelings, our rights, our frustrations, our offenses, and our hurts.
We set aside our our own thoughts, emotions and desires. We deny ourselves, our will, and live God's will.

We cannot be God's disciples unless we are willing to lay everything down. We don't have to "feel" like it, but we are willing.

When we are mad, or upset and want to blow up at someone, or ignore them, or stonewall them, or pay them back for their wrongs, we need to ask ourselves~

"Am I really more concerned with doing God's will in my life then I am my own happiness?"

What would Jesus do in this situation?

We have to be WILLING to to obey God's will, no matter what he tells us to do, no matter how we feel, no matter what we think, no matter what we want. We are to get up and be willing to do exactly what God has asked us to do. (THEN we start to look like Christ!)

God is asking us to set aside our own emotional responses and choose to act totally out of faith.

We have to TRUST God that when we follow HIS will, he will fill us with his peace and strength, and FRUIT. If we trust him, give it to him, and let him flow through us, not let our emotions flow through us, but HIM, He shines. Jesus shows through in us. His light shines.

That if we let HIM live through us, we will produce the fruit. Can I get a big AMEN here sisters??

This is how Christians shine Jesus light, this is how we become more like him, we allow him to live through us, by laying down our will.

This is how marriages are saved.......

This is how others come to Christ..........

Now, I'm sure not saying this is going to be an easy task for me, I know very well it's not. So if you just read this, please lift me up in prayer! Daily! :)

But I feel a relief that my eyes have finally been opened to really understand what It means to lay my life and my will down, and do God's will. To carry my cross, to die to self..............
to be SECOND.
Second to God and second to everyone else..........

The song. At your feet, by Casting Crowns. We've been listening to this song at bible study for weeks, sure, I love the song and enjoyed worshipping him with it, but now, this song has so much more meaning to me.
I lay my life down.......at HIS feet.

At Your Feet lyrics

Here at Your feet I lay my past down

My wanderings, all my mistakes down

And I am free

Here at Your feet I lay this day down

Not in my strength but in Yours I've found

All I need, You're all I need

Jesus, Jesus, at Your feet

Oh, to dwell and never leave

Jesus, Jesus, at Your feet

There is nowhere else for me

There is nowhere else for me

Here at Your feet I lay my future down

All of my dreams I give to You now

And I find peace, I find peace

Jesus, Jesus, at Your feet

Oh, to dwell and never leave

Jesus, Jesus, at Your feet

There is nowhere else for me

There is nowhere else for me

Here at Your feet I lay my life down

For You my King, You're all I want now

And my soul sings

Jesus, Jesus, at Your feet

Oh, to dwell and never leave

Jesus, Jesus, at Your feet

There is nowhere else for me

There is nowhere else for me

'Cause I am free here at Your feet

All I need is at Your feet

And I find peace, we're at Your feet

We're at Your feet

I am free here at Your feet

All I need is at Your feet

I find peace, we're at Your feet

We're at Your feet, we're at Your feet

We're at Your feet

Here at Your feet I lay my life down

Children are gifts.

2011-09-01T07:59:00.000-05:00

This morning I was doing my usual waste of time checking facebook and have been seeing lots of posts yesterday and today about kids going back to school that just plain make me sad for the kids.

Things like this~

"Twas the night before school started, when all through the town, the parents were cheering, it was a riotous sound! By eight, kids were washed & tucked into bed . . when memories of homework filled them with dread! New pencils, new folders, new notebooks, too! New teachers/new friends, their anxiety grew! The parents just giggled when they learned of this fright & shouted GO TO BED, IT'S A SCHOOL NIGHT!..."

And.........

"Back to reality! No more beach, pools and hearing mom every five seconds!!!"

And mom's talking about new schedules, new lives, time to themselves.............

I am not judging, my heart is just aching for the children......What about the children and their hearts and souls??

Why is it that parents are more concerned about "their" time, and serving others, and training others, when they have these little souls that need them?

I am so confused by this mentality.

I am not saying if you send your kids to school there is something wrong with that, but when I see parents that can't wait to get rid of their kids and get back to their own lives, that makes me so sad inside.

God gave us these children, they are little gifts, not something that is an inconvenience to us and a pain for us to take care of and we'd rather just ship them off somewhere else so we don't have to deal with it.

I wonder how that makes God feel that we think his gifts are a burden and we'd rather shoo them off somewhere else so we can get on with our important lives. Honestly, what could be more important then training up these little people and loving on them, and giving up our precious time for them?

Is anything more important then these gifts?

The world is just so messed up. It's heartbreaking to me.

Before you think I am on a high horse because I home school, please remember, my oldest son went off to public high school today. I watched him walk to the bus stop with tear filled eyes, wishing he wanted to home school.

I am not a high and mighty mom sitting here thinking I am all that. Most days I am feeling like a failure of a mom. But my heart breaks when I hear mom's just happy to move on with their lives. Happy that their kids are off to spend 8 hours with someone else.

I fully agree with the words of Ann Voskamp ~

"So to say from the outset, that I do not think in any way that homeschooling makes a family virtuous — and there are other very good options to homeschooling.

Homeschooling is not a formula for perfection, nor is homeschooling a panacea for all the sin in this world.

We’re all messy and fallen and sin-scraped. We and our children are born sinners.

Homeschooling will not fix any of that. Only Jesus and His grace can."

And I also agree with her on this~

"the problem today is that ‘parenthood is no longer lasting as long as childhood‘ — that our children need parents to be intimately involved, moment-by-moment, not till they are only four years old and leave home for school and possible peer dependency, but they need us to be parents until they are fourteen years old and older…. “We need to hold on to our children and help them hold on to us. We need to hold on to them until our work is done,” writes Dr. Neufeld“We need to hold on, not to hold them back but so that they can venture forth.”

For us, forging a deep attachment to parents was a key factor in our decision, so that children had a strong foundation for their own sense of self, saw parents as more important than peers, and as we modeled the preeminence of God in our lives, our children could see too how to live out that faith model.

Where two or three are gathered, there He is also. What I love most about the homeschooling lifestyle is that we are all together, in all our glorious mess, day in and day out. We are not time-torn or fragmented. We are gathered. There is no dichotomy between God and secular: we are making a one-piece life. This works for us. We are real, transparent, and growing –sometimes painfully– with each other, season upon season, and God is in the center, bathing us sin-scraped ones with His Grace. That’s rich."

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/05/pros-cons-homeschooling-christian-educatio/

This women speaks my heart.

Our children are only young for such a short time.

My prayer is that moms and dads would take these children for the gifts that they are and love them every second of their little lives. That they would want to pour their lives into these babies while they can. The rest can wait. You will have "your time" when they are grown.

Deuteronomy 6:6-8

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.

He speaks through others

2011-08-31T19:53:00.000-05:00

I just have to share.

About an hour ago, I was on the couch, with my husband. Crying. Feeling utterly overwhelmed. Trying to figure out how I am going to organize, get ready, do school, be mom, be a wife, keep up with the kids, the house, the cleaning, the laundry, devotions, dishes, dogs..............How do I do it all alone?

I took my pity party to the computer and opened up this blog~

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/08/when-perfectionism-and-to-do-lists-are-overwhelming/

and He spoke.

Your not alone. Your feelings are normal. Everything is OK and will be OK. Calm down. Look at Me. Keep your eyes on Me. Be thankful. Rest in Me.

Oh God.

It's hard.

The last few weeks I've been trying to "figure it all out" , how will I do school, what do we need to change with our schedules to make it work, how do I organize, what circ do we use, how do I get Ben to behave, what am I doing wrong, why am I not a better wife and mother, Is there enough hours in the day for all I need to do?

Am I enough?

Can I do it all?

God never fails me.

This morning my devotional said~

Weak ones like me must live by faith......

depending on him.......

to get me through the day.

He wants me to lean on HIM continually......

trusting him to guide and strengthen me............

and what do I do? Turn around and try to figure it all out myself. Ask my husband for help.......

When who I need is HIM.

I need constant reminders, who I need is HIM. Only HE can give me what I need on a daily basis.

Isaiah 40:28-31

28Have you not known? Have you not heard?The LORD is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He does not faint or grow weary;

his understanding is unsearchable.

29He gives power to the faint,

and to him who has no might he increases strength.

30Even youths shall faint and be weary,

and young men shall fall exhausted;

31but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings like eagles;

they shall run and not be weary;

they shall walk and not faint.

High school........

2011-08-30T10:10:00.001-05:00

Loss. Sadness. Grieving. I can feel loss in the depth of my soul today. I cried in the shower this morning as if my heart had been ripped out. If you saw me with my swollen eyes, you'd think that I had just had death of a loved one. I guess it's a death in a different sense.My oldest son went to high school today. (Great, I'm crying again!)

Who would think that I'd be this emotional over this? Yes, I cry every year on the first day of school, and you could probably look back on the blog to last Sept and find something similar, but It seems every year the loss seems deeper in my heart.

The last month or so God has been doing some serious work in my heart when it comes to my children.

It started with tossing the thought around of not homeschooling my younger three. After all, I'm no good at being a teacher, and my kids don't listen, and they fight, etc, etc. But God quickly sent others to help me see the light again and the reason why I was homeschooling in the first place.

I came across a wonderful blog that convicted me of the time I "spend" with my kids, and how much of it is quality time and investing on building relationship with them, not just being in the same house as them,doing cleaning, cooking, computer time, and hanging out while we are all together. That isn't spending time w/them.

Not really anyway. God has just really had me thinking lately about my kids and what I am investing in their little souls.

At the same time another issue started weighing heavily on me. Ben, my sweet son, has been having some anger issues.

This led me to asking for prayer from my girlfriends, to seeking out books and reading them to try and figure out how to "fix" this issue we have.

God is teaching me grace and how to give grace to my children. (and of course although the book is about your children I am also convicted about giving my husband grace too).

This entire whirlwind of emotions and now one of them leaves for high school.

High school.............

I remember when he was a baby, like yesterday, dropping him off at daycare and crying all the way to work. The time went by too quickly. Now it's high school. If those 14 years went by this quickly, the next 4 will go by faster. High school today, college tomorrow, then I'll watch him walk down the isle and start his own life. Letting go is hard.

I think to myself, did I get enough time in with him? My heart says no. When he's at school all day and comes home and has to do homework and spend a little time with friends, how much time do I get to pour love into him? To teach him about our Lord? So many thoughts spinning through my mind this morning and I sat down at my computer and put something on facebook about how I checked in on Ben this morning and he was crying in his bed and I asked what the matter was and he responded, " Jakey". He too was missing his brother.

Then I looked up.

Looked up at my daily calender and it says,

" BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD".

Psalm 46:10.

Oh thank you Jesus. I so needed that reminder! Wheeww. That's right, YOUR GOD. I just need to give this to him.

I also noticed a quote on facebook from Joyce Meyers, it said this~

"The difficult things you are going through now can help you gain experience for the future. If you can’t get rid of them, get all the value you can from them."

Wise words.

I know that this pain of having one go off to school helps confirm my decision to keep the other ones schooling at home. But there's still a question in my mind, if Jake should be home too.

That's where I need to be still and let God take care of the details...........

Some hope I needed today.

2011-08-19T19:19:00.000-05:00

Oh, I just have to share this, it touched me so much. I have been struggling with pain in my neck and stupid fears the last week or so that got worse the past few days. Even in my devotions, I have been struggling with fear about the devotions. I know, ridiculous. Stupid Satan.

I get a blog delivered to my email daily, which led me to another blog today. One I have never heard of, but of course will now be a follower of that one too. (Like I have time to be reading all these blogs, lol)

I was paging through this blog and hit the button on Homeschool to see what she had to say about that. Well I just got hit in the face with one of God's blessings. One of his healings, and a story that brought me right to tears of joy.

Here's the link.

http://raisingolives.com/2009/02/before-the-beginning/

I was pleasantly surprised at the end to find out that her mother was still living to see her grand kids. All I could say at the end of that posting was PRAISE GOD. Thank you Jesus. I so needed a post like that today to give me hope, that just because I had cancer does not mean I'll die in two years like my mom did. That there is a chance I could still be around to see my children have babies.

I love how God led me to find that blog post today. What a blessing. :)

God is so good. This afternoon I emailed my "mom" and asked her for prayer for my fears. Here God is answering prayers already.

I have to just share the posts that took me there.......

http://raisingolives.com/homeschool/

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/08/organizing-head-heart-to-homeschool/

School decision

2011-08-15T08:27:00.001-05:00

I wanted to share that we have decided to home school another year. Honestly, I am not sure what I was thinking. I think I lost my focus because times got tough. Homeschooling is not easy, but who ever said it would be? I did one year with only Autumn, then last year It was Autumn and Ben. Trying to do school with a 5 year old boy is really not "fun".

Then of course I had Gracie who needed something every time we sat down to do school. lol.

I am not a very disciplinary mom to begin with. I'm too "lax". So trying to be a lax mom, and then putting on the teacher hat, well, it doesn't work so well. There are some things I need to work on!

But the fact that it got hard was not an excuse to quit and send them to school. When I put out my request asking for prayer on homeschooling, God sent me many people to support me, and to remind me of why I was homeschooling to begin with, and give me gentle pushes to keep going. He sent me emails from other home school moms who also doubt themselves and their abilities, and moms that have hard times just like I do. What a blessing that was.

I'd like to share a few things people said to me.

One of the first responses I got was from a friend at church, who happens to be a young married women who was home schooled herself. . This email was probably the most impactful of them all, even though it was short and sweet and to the point, God really got me thinking from this~

"Hi Amy,

God has been laying it on my heart to remind you:

Do not make this decision based on whether or not you CAN do this, because that is irrelevant - If God calls you to something he will equip you for it. Determine if you have been called to home school and that will be the only answer you need.

I will be praying for wisdom for you and Kevin."

This email REALLY got me thinking. I think it may have been the email that made me realize I was not to quit just because it was hard last year. I could so easily say, " I can't do this", " I am not cut out for this", but I don't believe that would be God's will. When God calls us to do things, they are usually not easy tasks!

So many things he asks us to do are hard and against the worlds ways, why would homeschooling be any different??

This was the first email I received. Direct and to the point. I thought on it long and hard and read it over and over.

Then the floodgates opened and emails poured in of support in homeschooling. God is so good.

I want to share some of the emails with you.

"Some things that help me? Well, every year in August, I make a list of why I home school. I also come up with some goals for the year. I recently came across this on a homeschooling blog. "This year I will encourage interests...stretch minds...engage hearts...disciple...point the direction...lead the way...look for mastery...wait for understanding...take longer...listen more...laugh...light fires." I liked that because it is too often easy for me to focus on teaching them the specifics they are supposed to know, and not encourage my children or disciple them to be more like Christ. Other reasons I home school: because I take Deuteronomy 6:1-9 to apply to us still today. We are to teach our children God's word as we go through life. I truly believe that I do that better and more effectively when I have them home with me. If they were in school all day, that would take away so much valuable time to teach them to be more like Christ."

....................................................................................................................................................

"Dear Amy,I’ve been sitting in your shoes many times; do I continue on homeschooling or put my children (3 of them) in school? I can honestly say when I began this journey ( over 12 years ago), the Lord had to drag me into homeschooling kicking and screaming! Every year was bathed in prayer and still is. I am not terribly organized and have to be really careful not to compare myself to other homeschooling moms because I always feel like I don’t do enough or measure up. Now, my oldest son (16 years – 17 in the fall) is officially done being home schooled! He will finish up his senior year of high school at UW Waukesha getting dual credit for high school and college, play soccer for the homeschool team here in Waukesha and right now is on a missions trip in Dominican Republic. Dan has such a heart for the Lord and that was the goal. The Lord has been so incredibly faithful!! I can’t tell you what to do, but for me now that I have come out the other side…. IT WAS SO WORTH IT!! Whatever the Lord gives you to do will not be easy because if it was you wouldn’t need Him. I hope this was encouraging to you and I will be praying for you and your husband. "

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"Amy:

We don't know each other but I want you to know that I am a homeschooling mom of three . . aged 18, 15 and 13. My 18 year old daughter is leaving for college in a few weeks. She's been accepted into the honors program at Augsburg College - a small ELCA school in Minneapolis. I tell you this because you should also know that every single day I feel like I am failing my own kids. That we don't do enough, learn enough, or work hard enough. I thought that I'd feel differently, like I was successful at homeschooling when they all learned to read. I didn't. Then I thought I'd feel that way when they all got to the point where I could assign work and just monitor them but I didn't. I thought maybe when my daughter gets to highschool, or does well on the ACT or gets accepted to college I would feel like I did a good job. I still don't . . . and now I worry that she will struggle in college. I wonder if I was too easy, didn't ask enough of her, didn't teach her well. But when others look at her and talk to me about her they tell me about a confident, self assured young woman who will have her struggles but who also has the drive and ability. Because she is her own best teacher. Now it doesn't matter what I taught her, it matters what she teaches herself and homeschooling is the best way to learn how to teach yourself. I pray she'll do well . . . I hope she might. And someday I hope I feel like a successful homeschooling mom. My point? We all doubt ourselves, and we are all so close to our kids we might not see what others see so clearly developing in our own children. Hang in there . . you'll make the right choice for your family . . .and know that you aren't alone in the self doubt club :) We're all here together :)"

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"Good Morning Amy,

I was there - where you are at right now. Those days when I felt I was in over my head. Those days when I felt I was failing my husband and my children. Those days when I just wanted to put my kids into a school system.

But God is good!!!!!!!!!!.

I was called to home school my children. If this is your call from God you must consider every step you take. Parents home school for may reasons and quit for many reasons. This was a passion with me that God placed in my heart from the beginning............actually I was given a passion to home school . . . before I was married. . . before I had children. I saw God's hand in this and that is what always gave me the strength to forge ahead - even when I didn't think I could - - - even when I felt I had failed.

You must sit down and decide WHY you are home schooling your children. Ask WHY God wants you to home school your children.

To fast forward. . . . my children are not 19years old (just beginning her second year in college) - my son is 17 years old (starting his senior year in high school) and my youngest is 15 (starting her sophomore year in high school). They are 2 years apart - been home schooled all their life - and are headed for eternity.

People constantly told me I was short changing them by home schooling them - they questioned me and my motives. But I always went back to the word of God - I knew this was what I was called to do. I was called to train them for eternity - - - not for 30 years as a successful lawyer - - - or 40 years as a successful nurse. We (Christians) are passing through this world - we need to leave our stamp - we need to reach the lost - we need to raise our children to be radically different then most of the culture - we need to raise 'David's' and 'Samuel's' and others who are ready to take a stand for JESUS.

Can the public school do that? Can you do that if you only see your children at the end of a long school day.

I heard someone say once that even if we do nothing as a home school mom - we are way ahead of the public schools and all the humanism they will be teaching our children.

What you are doing is blessed of God Amy - time will tell.

I am at the end and I will never regret the fact that we chose to home school. My children are wonderful - they are my best friends - they are all teenagers - they all love the Lord. I don't know what will happen tomorrow - but I know that as parents we tried our best.

When your kids are young it seems like an eternity - the days move slowly - and most of the pressure is on you as the mom - but wait a few years and you will reap the benefits if you do not grow weary.

Hang in there Amy (forgive me for going on and on) - God is on your side. Rejoice in that !!!!

Blessings from another home school mom"

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"Amy,

wow, I know you posted that message for you, but our great God knows I needed it too. Today was day 3 of homeschooling and literally, I broke down in tears more than once. I have a 9 yr. old son, 6 yr. old son, 4 yr. old son, and brand new baby girl 2 1/2 mths (who won't nap longer than 1/2 hour). I literally feel like I'm falling apart many days.

This is my 5th yr. homeschooling; I use to be an elementary teacher; and I still feel like I don't know how to do this, or at least do it well. I have this vision of what homeschooling is suppose to be, and I feel like such a failure when mine is not like that. I commend you for putting yourself out there and being honest...many of us (including myself at times) want to make it look like we have it all together. It's refreshing to know we are not alone in this struggle. I always feel like every other homeschooler has got it figured out better than me! I question it all the time, whether my kids would be better off having someone else teach them. But at the same time, I can not be at peace with letting them go. Good for you that you are being prayerful about this. He hears you, and I believe He will answer. Keep me in mind if you choose to homeschool. I would be interested in co-op/activity of some sort if I could work it around my baby's schedule (or really lack of schedule at this point!)

Praying for peace, for the both of us:)"

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"That is great God lead you to home school again. It is the hardest task I have ever under taken but I know I am making the most of time I have with my kids. To point them to Christ, teach them his commands, and then let then observe how I follow Christ is worth several hair pulling days.

Know that as a homeschooling family you will have years that are not as strong or successful. You had a huge trial in the middle of their school year with your cancer, so it is completely ok your year was weaker than you wanted. We had the same situation this past year because of my pregnancy.

Thankfully God gives us another year to continue the education process."

How amazing are all of these emails?

I think one thing I need to do differently this year is reach out and spend more time with other home school moms. Not just stay in our cozy house all winter and tough it out myself. I need support and my kids need more friends that are home schooled. So I did sign up for Beyond the books at Elmbrook church, so my kids can be in class once a week with other kids and do art and gym and some music and just have fun with others. While they are doing that, I can spend time with other home school moms for 3 hours. I think that will be a blessing to all of us.

It's nice to know that other moms struggle with this too. That most of us don't feel we are "cut out" to be teachers and moms of our children, but that God gets us through it.

I was reminded a few weeks ago too, at our women's bible study, as we were praying over a children's area, one of the moms said God had been speaking to her about praying for the moms, that the moms of the children would remember that these children are gifts from God, and that they should be our focus when they are small. That God called us to be Mothers of these precious gifts.

It's easy to lose our focus, and have the children, then think about "me" time, and what I could all be doing if I sent them to school. That is certainly not why God gave us these children.

Our sermon yesterday at church was about "being" the church. That being a Christian isn't about showing up to church on Sunday mornings, or listening to sermon online, then checking it off your list for the week.

That we are called to be ministers of the gospel. To live as Jesus did, to give of ourselves. As mothers the first people that we should be ministering to is our children! Raising them up in the Lord. Do I love to do other things? Yes. Do I love to spend time with other women, and minister to them, and be ministered by them? Yes of course. Do I love to talk about health and nutrition after having cancer? Yes, and I can do these things, but my kids should be first. I have to keep my focus when my kids are small.

So, I will trust in the Lord to fill me, to give me strength, and knowledge, and lots of patience to home school these babies another year.

I am so thankful for each and every person that took time to pray for us, and send me emails. God sent lots of blessings my way to help me make a decision.

~Amy

Kristian Stanfill - Always (Live)

2011-08-04T09:21:00.000-05:00

Song for the day. :)

My foes are many, they rise against me

But I will hold my ground

I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm

My help is on the way, my help is on the way

Oh, my God, He will not delay

My refuge and strength always

I will not fear, His promise is true

My God will come through always, always

Troubles surround me, chaos abounding

My soul will rest in You

I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm

My help is on the way, my help is on the way

Oh, my God, He will not delay

My refuge and strength always

I will not fear, His promise is true

My God will come through always, always

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord

From You Lord, from You Lord

Oh, my God, He will not delay

My refuge and strength always

I will not fear, His promise is true

My God will come through always, always

Oh, my God, He will not delay

My refuge and strength always, always

Acknowledging HIM for answers.

2011-08-04T07:52:00.000-05:00

I wrote about this a few posts back, and asked for prayer. We are still undecided on whether to homeschool agian this year or to send them. If they go, they would start Aug 24th which is coming up pretty quickly. Of course I've been fretting a bit over this and looking for an answer from the Lord as to what we should do. This is our kids lives here and I don't want to mess it up. lol.

This morning I was praying about it, and I was reading in Proverbs and God spoke to me. No I didn't get an answer yet, but I think it's on it's way. :)

Something awesome about this is, I was not reading proverbs latley. I actually do a devotional, read the verses that go with that, then I was reading in Isaiah. A few days ago Jake had breakfast with our friend and Pastor Jonathan,he is so graciously taking time to disciple Jake, and he suggested to Jake that he read a Proverbs a day. Jake is doing it, and I thought, I think i'll do it too! Thank you Jonathan. God speaks. :)

Here's what I was reading ~

Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart.

Lean not on your own understanding.

Commentary~

Leaning has the sense of putting your whole weight on something, resting on and trusting in that person or thing. When we have an important decision to make, we sometimes feel that we can't trust anyone, not even God. But God knows what is best for us. He is a better judge of what we want then even we are!

We must trust him completely in every choice we make. We should not omit careful thinking or belittle our God given ability to reason, but we should not trust in our own ideas to the exclusion of all others. We must not be wise in our own eyes. We should always be willing to listen to and be corrected by Gods workd and wise counselors. Bring your decisions to God in prayer, use the bible as your guide, and then follow God's leading. He will make your paths straight by both guiding and protecting you.

( I remember using this very verse when I was in panic mode a year ago trying to decide if I should do radiation or not. God came through with an answer, so I can trust he will come through again.) :)

Proverbs 3:6

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight.

The commentary below is really good, this is what it said~

To receive God's guidance, said Solomon, we must acknowledge God in ALL our ways. This means turning every area of life over to him. About a thousand years later, Jesus emphasized this same truth. (Matthew 6:33) Look at your values and priorities. What is important to you? In what areas have you not acknowledged him? What is his advice? In many areas of your lifeyou may already acknowledge God, but it is in the areas where you attempt to restrict or ignore his influence that will cause you grief.

Make him a vital part of everything you do, then he will guide you because you will be working to accomplish HIS purposes.

I think that's a super start to getting an answer. After all, these are his kids, that he has given me to raise up.

What does HE want for them? It doesn't matter what I want or what Kevin wants. It's what God wants for these children.

I can say pretty easily, I am not good at this homeschooling thing. Cause, well, I'm not! I'm not a disciplined mom to begin with, so I'm really no good putting on a teacher hat. I can also say that selfishly, it would be nice to not have to deal with it. lol. Not to have to deal with fighting with them dailyto get them to do school. To have time to do other things. But at the same time, I know I would miss them, and wonder, Is this the right choice? How will the influences around them effect them? I can't base this decision on what I think is right for them.

God knows all the answers. I just need to keep praying until the answer comes.

If you would, pray with us. :)

UNdeserving Grace.

2011-07-28T08:44:00.000-05:00

THIS blog made me cry. Sitting here with tears in my eyes. Why?

Just reading how she looked up at him, all the thoughts running through her head about yelling at a kid, a sigh of not wanting to drive one to town, not reading to kids before bed.

Wanting to confess sin. not feeling worthy of his foot rubbing, wanting to pull away because of it.

I feel all those things. Never a day goes by that I don't feel regret for something, any little thing I didn't do right. Feel tense all the time about all the weight of everything from being a mom, stress of taking care of all things. never feeling rested, never feeling finished with work around the house, feeling like I wasn't a good enough mom, didn't make enough time for my kids, spent too much money............the weight of it all......just feeling like I'm never good enough.

This morning I was reading my devotional and the verses of the bible that go along with it.

I wrote on a peice of paper something I wanted to put on my chalk board in the kitchen~

"Grace is undeserved favor"

"Love others despite of their sins"

I was reading from Romans 12:17-19.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord.

I think this fits right in with the blog I shared. Where she wrote she felt she should pull away. Probably because she didn't feel worthy of her husbands foot rubbing.

I feel unworthy too, not so much of my husbands foot rubbings, but of God's love and mercy and forgiveness that he so graciously gives us.

I am so far from Christlike somtimes. I can be selfish, uncaring, unloving, and honestly, latley I have been having thoughts of repaying evil for evil. But in such a petty way.

Amazing how I can have thoughts one day about my husband and what he doesn't do for me, and how I shouldn't do things for him because of it, (which is repaying evil for evil) then the next morning God shows me a verse and it effects me enough that I want to put it on my chalk board.

UN-DESERVING Grace.

That's what Jesus gives me. He chose to die on the cross for ME. Not when I was perfect and sinless, but while I was/am a sinner.

He gives me forgiveness and love, when I don't deserve it. On days when I don't make time for him. Days when I am crabby with my kids and husband. Days when I don't make Christ look good.

I am unworthy of Christ's love, and yet, by Grace alone, he gives it to me.

I think about this, dwell on it this morning. Do I give Grace to my husband, to my kids, to strangers, to anyone, the way God gives it to me? I don't deserve it. But he gives it anyway. Conviction.

If I can receive God's grace, even though I don't deserve it, I need to start giving grace freely, even when I don't think people deserve it. Even, when I don't "feel" like it.

God doesn't look at our sin when we have Jesus Christ as a savior. When he looks at us, he sees us washed white as snow. We are washed clean of our sins by the blood of Jesus Christ. The blood he shed on that cross for us. For YOU and me.

It reminds me of my favorite necklace. I wear this necklace almost everyday. I cheerish it. When I wear it, It reminds me of what Christ did, and how I need to reflect Christ. I think about it and think, If I'm wearing this out in public, I better wear my attitude of Christlikeness, and show Christ love to people. (some days I forget!)

Recently I put this favorite necklace of mine in jewelry cleaner. It came out looking terrible. It looked dirty, stained, discolored. I was sad about it. My favorite necklace, ruined.

I called the jeweler. She said, "The smith may be able to buff it out" , so yesterday I took it there.

She took it and said, I'll take it over and see what he can do. But then I saw her standing behind the counter looking down, and I thought, "What is she doing??" I thought she was going to take it to the smith and see what he can do with it!" I was getting impatient. I had a friend and kids in the car.

She came back over with it, and it looked brand new. All shiny and silver again. I was in awe!! I said, "what did you do?" She said, " I just wiped it clean with a polishing clothe".

Wiped it clean. Just like Jesus did for us.

Grace.

Love.

Mercy.

Forgiveness.

JESUS.

Can I show his undeserving Grace to others? Can I wipe clean things people have done to me and just give Grace?

Jesus Amazing Love.

2011-07-27T10:14:00.000-05:00

It's been on my heart lately to blog about the Love of our Lord. There are many hurting people out there who don't know God, and don't know his love for them.

If you are that person, I am writing this for you. God wants me to write this for YOU.

Maybe you are someone who knows it already, but has forgotten how much he loves you, maybe your not "feeling" it right now or seeing it in your life at the moment. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

To some, God is just this distant being in the sky that they know exists but don't understand him or know him.

(Just for the record, the Bible is my source. No matter where you go to Church, or who your pastor is, or who you talk to, If you want the truth, read the bible. The bible is God's word.

2 Timothy 3:16~

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.

What does this mean?

From my commentary it says~

The bible is not a collection of stories or fables, myths or merly human ideas about God. It is not a human book. Through the Holy Spirit, God revealed his person and plan to certain believers who wrote down his message for his people. This process is known as inspiration. Although they used their own minds, they wrote what God wanted them to write. Scripture is completely trustworthy because God was in control of it's writing. It's words are entirely authoritative for our faith and lives. )

So what does God's word say about his love for us?

Isaiah 54:10

Though the mountains be shaken

and the hills be removed,

yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,”

says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

Zephaniah 3:17

The LORD your God is with you,

the Mighty Warrior who saves.

He will take great delight in you;

in his love he will no longer rebuke you,

but will rejoice over you with singing.”

Psalm 149:4

For the LORD takes delight in his people;

he crowns the humble with victory.

Ephesians 2:4-7

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.

1 John 4:10

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

And the most important verse of all~

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

This is some serious love.

Do you know what Jesus went through for YOU personally? Even if you were the only human on earth, Jesus would have died just for YOU. So YOU could spend eternity in heaven. That is amazing Love. Amazing Grace. Amazing Mercy.

lways like to watch this video, although it's gruesome, it's a good reminder of how much he loves us.

So, how do we get this wonderful love from Jesus and get to know him better?

It's a gift from God. Simple as that, a gift. He graciously gives us, all we have to do is accept the gift.

First we have to know and accept that we are not God, that we are not perfect, and that we are sinners.

We are all sinners. Every single one of us humans is a sinner. None of us are perfect.

Romans 3:23

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

Because we are sinners, we must die. This was not God's original plan when he created Adam and Eve. They were to live forever with God in the Garden, but after they sinned, there had to be a consequence.

Romans 6:23

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in[a] Christ Jesus our Lord.

But know that Jesus paid the debt for your sin, he died on the cross for you, so you don't have to spend eternity in Hell.

Romans 5:8

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

The gift of salvation is FREE~

Ephesians 2:8-9

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast.

Jesus Christ is waiting for you to accept the gift. To open the door of your heart and mind, and let him in.

Revelation 3:20

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

We must receive and believe in Jesus.

John 1:12

Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.

So it's that easy to accept God's love. Know that we are sinners, accept Jesus as your personal saviour, know that he is your salvation, his death earns you the right to be a child of God.

Start reading the bible , spend some time with Jesus, in his word, let him speak to you. Read about him and get to know him and who he is, and you will get to know his deep love for you.

The most wonderful part of the verse in Ephesians 2:8-9 is this~

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.

That means that we can do NOTHING, to earn God's love or Salvation. He loves us no matter what, he loved us first, even before we were born. God doesn't hold things against you, Jesus blood washed us white as snow, cleaned the dirty sin right out of our life.

You can't add anything to what you do in your life to "earn" salvation or God's love. It's a gift. Jesus is ALL we need. This is huge. If you read the bible you will know that Jesus death on the cross, his suffering is all you need to receive God's love and mercy and grace.

If you've been told that you need to be perfect, or do good works to earn God's love, you have been lied to. If you feel in your heart that God is out to get you, that he doesn't love you, that he's forgotten you, that your not important, that your not good enough, You have been lied to.

You are loved.

You are important.

You are good enough because of Jesus.

God loves you more then anyone on this earth could love you.

He wants you to accept that love from him.

He's waiting for YOU.

He wants to have a relationship with you. He wants you to seek him, look for him, he's there. Waiting.

How awesome is that?

He's not distant. He's right here.

Look for him.

Receive him.

Bask in his love for you.

His arms are open, his lap is big.

He's waiting for you to climb up on his lap and let him wrap his loving arms around you.

Run.

Homeschooling

2011-07-26T22:21:00.000-05:00

I could use some prayers for God to be very specific with us on where he wants our children this year. Because last year was hard for me to be the homeschooling mom/teacher, and I didn't feel I was doing an adequate job being a teacher, I considered sending my kids to a Christian school. We toured the school, talked to the principle and teachers, and honestly felt a real peace at the school. We haven't come to a decision, and today I emailed my husband and mentioned that we need to decide sooner or later.

He sent me back an email, it was a link to my blog from two years ago.

http://insanelyblessed.blogspot.com/2009/09/jake-just-left-for-school.html

It makes me sad reading it. But also makes me think. Do I really want to send my children to school? Have I really given this enough thought? Did I lose my focus on why I wanted them home in the first place 2 years ago?

After reading that blog, I think, maybe I need to rethink this. Rewind to why I wanted to home school in the first place. Did I ever really think it would be easy? Did I do it because I thought it would be easy, or for deeper reasons? What changed? It got too hard? They don't listen to me? I'm not a disciplined enough mommy to be a teacher, yeah, they are all valid excuses. But are they good enough reasons not to home school?

I could use a few prayers for God to speak to my heart about this issue.

Thanks all.

Worry.

2011-07-20T22:03:00.000-05:00

Worry~ God doesn't want us to worry. Worry is useless. It's defeating. It's terrible for us. It effects our health, it takes over our days, it makes us miserable, and it does no good.

Worry is an action that takes our eyes off God. It says to God that we don't trust him. That he can't handle it. It's a sin.

God tells us over and over in his word not to worry and to trust in him.

Matthew 6:27-

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

Philippians 4:6-

do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

In one of my books the author reminds us that when God says do not worry, he is commanding us not to worry. Not suggesting it. It's not advice, it's a command!

Sometimes I have to wonder, when am I going to get it? When am I going to overcome my bad habit of worry?

The more I think about it, the more I think God allowed cancer in my life to teach me one main thing, to TRUST HIM.

I've written about this so many times how my my mom got cancer and died when I was 11, and I've always had the fear that I would get cancer, and of course I did! lol.

I was always an anxious child, I'm sure my dad can attest to that. I was always the girl that felt weak, and alone and scared and always looking for someone to hook on to. As I look back in my life, I see all the times I used friends and boyfriends for saviors. Just someone who was "there" for me, so I wasn't alone.

If only I had known Christ growing up as a teenage girl, my life could have been so different, maybe that's why I have such a heart for younger women, I want them to have what I didn't, Jesus.

I am one of those people who it takes me awhile to get something. I have to do it over and over and over to get it. I guess the good thing is , that I do keep trying and not give up. lol.

Yesterday morning I was reading my daily devotional and it says this, " Fear and anxiety still plague you" huh, that's interesting. How does the devotional book know that? lol. This is just another one of God's great gifts, he knows how to speak to us through others. :) So it goes on to say, "Affirm your trust in ME". That's huge. That is where my big struggle is. Honestly, I do get this, and I do trust him. I know God loves me, and only wants what is best for me, and only allows things that will make me more like Christ, and a stronger follower, but some days, well I forget. That's the thing, I need to make it a point DAILY to remind myself who God is. Daily, like every single morning. Every single new day when I wake up I need to remind myself who is in charge of my life. This is where I fail. When I get too busy to spend time with him, too busy with life, my mind wanders, and the evil one can fill my brain with lies.

The book says, "Blazing missiles of fear fly at you day and night; these attacks from the evil one come at you relentlessly." That is a good way to look at it. If I am not taking up my shield of faith daily and filling my mind with Jesus, it leaves me empty for him to fill me up with lies. He's so full of lies. He will tell me that I still have cancer, that I'm not doing enough, that I'm not healed, that I need to obsess about it, that God is not big enough, that God is not there, God does not love me, on and on and on! If I am not in the bible and praying, that is what happens. Fear sets in. The point is, Jesus is my comforter, my friend, my healer, my everything, and can be yours too. He is all I need. If I start to worry I need to pray. I need to get out my bible and read it, and I need to TRUST him.

Proverbs 3:5~

Trust in the Lord with all your heart.

Psalm 2:12~

Blessed are all those who put their trust in him.

In Matthew 6:25-34 there are six reasons for us not to worry~

1. You are valuable to God. Vs 26

2. Your situation is under God's control, not yours. vs 27

3. You will be taken care of. vs 28-30

4. Your needs are known to God. vs 31-32

5. Your pursuits should focus on God. vs 33

6. Your life should be lived one day at a time. vs 34

See, if we just keep ourselves in God's word, we will read, know, and remember these things. On days when I don't feel like rolling out of bed at 5:30 I need to remember why I NEED to. I need that time with God to fill my mind with his goodness.

Here's a wonderful verse and reminder to close with.

Jeremiah 17:7-8~

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,

whose trust is the LORD.

He is like a tree planted by water,

that sends out its roots by the stream,

and does not fear when heat comes,

for its leaves remain green,

and is not anxious in the year of drought,

for it does not cease to bear fruit."

Beautiful Day

2011-07-16T10:30:00.001-05:00

Last night, I was cleaning in the kitchen, and saw Grace being sneaky. When she's sneaky, she runs with things and thinks I can't see them. First she ran by with a wet wash clothe and took it outside. Next, I saw her grab a blanket from the living room and run and drag it outside, with that "you don't know what I'm up too look in her eye". Then she came in and said, "Can I paint? Outside?" I looked her with a quizzical look, "why outside?" I asked. She just looked at me, (like I was the crazy one) and said so matter a factly, "Because it's a beautiful day!" She's FOUR. Here she is, enjoying her painting outside. :)

I had to grab a lawn chair and a cup of coffee and just sit and soak this in. Most days I don't take much time to just sit and enjoy the beautiful day and relax. On an average day the kids keep me busy either serving them, or cleaning up behind them, but today Grace showed me how to take a time out, and enjoy the wonderful day.

Sometimes we just need to take a deep breathe and enjoy the day that God has given us, the moment that God has given us. I am thankful to my daughter Gracie for her sweet spirit, and the time we took to just enjoy the day.

Slow down today. Take some time to enjoy and relax. Be thankful for the day God has given you. :)

Psalm 118:24

This is the day that the LORD has made;

let us rejoice and be glad in it.

My health blog

2011-07-11T09:23:00.000-05:00

If your a reader of my blog, could you check out my other blog on Health? and maybe become a follower of that one too? And share both with your friends please. :)

http://www.amyvg.blogspot.com/

Thanks!

If you don't know him.

2011-07-11T08:54:00.000-05:00

I am really writing this post for a life long friend of mine who I love and adore so much. Yes, I could have just emailed her but I want to share it because I have no idea who all reads my blog and I think God wants someone else to know this information besides her.

This weekend my friend and I had a discussion about a little boy who was in a bike accident and died. It was obviously tragic. I'm sure it was and is a horrible experience for the family of this little boy. My friend attended the funeral of this boy because she works with the father. My sweet friend doesn't understand the whole "God thing" as she puts it. :) I love you friend.

So, as she was telling me about the funeral of this boy, she said that the dad was happy and smiling at the funeral. That he asked her if she'd like to meet his little boy and led them to the body of the boy in the casket.

Obviously this would bring anyone to tears, especially those of who have children and the thoughts go through your head about losing your own children as you look at someone elses. She said that the family had some "religion" that she was not sure what it was, but to her it seems crazy that the dad could be there happy and smiling. Maybe that's what some people think of us Christians, "crazy". But I hope that after they have that thought that we are crazy, that they might have a second thought in their mind, maybe that they wonder where that hope comes from, and maybe pursue it and find out.

This morning I was led to read in 2 Samuel, chapter 22.

I was reading verse 31~

As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless.

HE is a shield for ALL who take refuge in him.

Shield was the word that really hit me. He IS our shield. Just like the first week when I found out I had cancer and I had a strange peace about it, that was God shielding me. Giving me peace.

Here's some of Websters definitions of Shield~

1. (n.) A broad piece of defensive armor, carried on the arm, -- formerly in general use in war, for the protection of the body.

2. (n.) Anything which protects or defends; defense; shelter; protection.

3. (n.) Figuratively, one who protects or defends.

4. (n.) To cover with, or as with, a shield; to cover from danger; to defend; to protect from assault or injury.

5. (n.) To ward off; to keep off or out.

This is what God does for those of us crazy Christians. He's a shield for us. How could that man stand there at his little son's funeral with a smile?

Well, for one, his son is in a much better place then this. He's in heaven and won't have to deal with any of the junk that goes on in this world.

But the other reason is that that man has hope in our Lord, and God has given him the peace that transcends all understanding.

Philippians 4:7

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

God has given that father peace about his sons death. God can do that. Give us peace and the world that doesn't know Christ, doesn't understand it, but sometimes, it will lead some to want it. That man is a light for Christ, showing people God's peace.

Does it mean that the father isn't heartbroken that he has lost his son? No. I'm sure he's devastated and misses his son like crazy, does it mean that us Christians are not bothered if we lose children? Of course not! I pray for my chidrens saftey and health all the time.

But when tradjedy does strike us, we have hope in the Lord, and a peace in our heart. Isn't that something worth seeking?

My friend said, " It's just not right that God would take an 8 year old boy". No life isn't fair. Here on this earth full of sin, it stinks.

I don't beleive God "took" him. I beleive God "allowed" it to happen. But not to punish his parents or siblings. When you read the bible, and get to know our God, you will know he's nothing but a loving God.

Not only is he loving, but his ways are perfect.

Which was the first verse I read this morning.

2 Samuel 22:31-

As for God, his ways are perfect.

It's hard for our little minds to grasp the greatness of God. He is our daddy who loves us dearly and only wants the best for us, and allows things in our lives that make us grow, and bring us closer to HIM.

If your a parent you will understand. Sometimes we do things that hurt our children, but it's only for their own good. At the time, our children think we are "stupid" and "mean", and they just don't understand our logic! But we know, we are only doing it or allowing it for their own good. We love them.

That's how it is with God. He's our big daddy that loves us more then we know. He loves that little boy more then his parents do. Hard to beleive that I know. Sometimes when I worry about my own kids, (I know, hard to beleive, me, worrying, lol) But I have to tell myself that very thing, "God loves them more then you do Amy, so trust him with their little life."

I think I strayed from my original point to my friend. :)

That dad, he's not crazy. He has a strong relationship with our big God, and knows that his son is in a much better place, that he WILL see him again, because God does not send any children to hell, baptized or not, and God has given him a peace that most can't understand. He has hope in the one true God that loves us so much.

If you don't know him, you might want to get to know him, you might just find that same peace.

I wrote about who God is in my last post, but I don't think I had shield in there. It's another to add to the list.

He's a comforter, councelor, friend, refuge, rescuer, deliverer, saviour. He's amazing.
Let me just throw this out there too, if you have questions, please feel free to email me at Insanelyblessed@gmail.com .
I do not have ALL the answers, but If you want to know Christ, I can probably give you a little advice how to get started on that. :) Much love and blessing to you.

Third Day Nothing Compares with lyrics - WOW!!

2011-07-08T09:13:00.000-05:00

Natalie Grant - Your great name w/ lyrics

2011-07-08T09:09:00.000-05:00

All about Jesus.

2011-07-07T08:28:00.000-05:00

I'm just all about Jesus this morning. Thanks to my mom Mary I was making a list of Jesus qualities which led me to the computer and then to youtube. lol.

I just wanted to share some of who Jesus is today.

He is~

Our redeemer

Our Saviour

The Might God

The only begotten Son

Our hope

Our councelor

Our healer

The way

The bread of life

The true light

Our strength

Our refuge

Our Rock

He is forgiving

Loving

Our friend

Merciful

Faithful

Glorious

Mighty

Our Helper

Our Hope

Our Redemption

Faithful

Perfect

He was rejected, despised, betrayed, condemed, scourged, mocked, wounded, forsaken, and crucified, for YOU. He loves YOU.

Names of God - Give Me Jesus

2011-07-07T07:55:00.000-05:00

Names of God

2011-07-07T07:42:00.000-05:00

Just praising my Lord this morning. Thought this was beautiful.

Celebration dinner

2011-06-10T23:21:00.000-05:00

Ok.........Just a few more pics, these are of our dinner tonight. :)

Once again, Gracie has had it. lol.

Picture memories from a year ago........

2011-06-10T22:36:00.001-05:00

Butterflies we grew at home and had to let go before we left for Minnesota.

At Uncle Glenn's in Minnesota, week of surgery.

Mayo clinic.

My scar.

Family and freinds ~ helping out during recovery. :)

Wiped out from it all. ;)

One year cancer free.

2011-06-10T22:07:00.001-05:00

Today was a day of celebration at our house. We actually went out to eat as a family, (which is a rare occurrence with my frugal husband) :)

But it was really nice to go out and celebrate my healing as a family. I think I may even have ice cream tonight after a month of no sugar! :)
I've had many flashbacks today of a what I endured last year on this date.
But God brought us through it, and now with more trust, faith, and love for our Lord Jesus.
This morning God put a smile on my face right after I woke up. I went to my daily calender and flipped to June 10th, and this is what it said~

I am the Lord who heals you.
Exodus 15:26

Oh how beautiful those words were to me this morning. If only I had been home last June 10th to see what my calender said.
I praise God for his healing. For allowing Dr. Moore to heal me with his hands. I praise him for another year of life, and hopefully many more to come.

I was thinking back to the day of my surgery, Up at Mayo hospital in Minnesota, a strange place to us, and when they took me from my husband to walk me downstairs for surgery. Kevin couldn't come with me. So we parted ways. I was scared. I wrote about this in my blog, here is the link, but I just remember them putting me in this bed, in this big hallway, all these people were lined up in beds, waiting for surgery, only separated by curtains. It was weird! I was so riddled with anxiety in that bed waiting for surgery. I wanted my husband with me. I was so anxious they felt sorry for me and tried to call Kevin, but he had already left, probably went to eat breakfast or something. But today, As I read my devotional book for June 10th, It is written as though Jesus is speaking to you, and it says~

"As you gaze anxiously into the distance, you don't even feel the strong grip of My hand holding yours. Remembrance of Me is a daily discipline. Never lose sight of MY presence with you".

Oh how I wish I would have had that devotional book with me that morning, while waiting there to have surgery.

How amazing how both my calender and my devotional book both relate to my circumstance today. How amazing is our God? Every little detail he works out.

I can't say that if I had to go through that all over again I wouldn't be scared, but after what he has brought me through this past year, I have so much more trust in him.

As I waited for surgery a year ago, I should have thought about God being right there with me, holding my hand in his, because He was with me.

This was a year of many trials for me, with follow ups every three months, and all the pains that go along with a having a neck dissection surgery, which of course every pain I get, I think, Oh no, is it the cancer back? Then I have to get out God's word and stop myself from worrying. It's such a waste of time, and as I shared in one of my last posts, "God's got this"
Today I celebrate another year of life without cancer, On Tuesday I go back to mayo for a follow up. This time, with no PET scan. I am trusting God with the results of that follow up.

I looked at my kids today in a different way, thankful that I am able to be here and be their mom.

I looked at the day as a blessing. I look at swallowing and eating as a blessing.

Kevin reminded me tonight of my four ambulance rides last summer from bleeding, and he pointed out the chair I sat in for a few months where my pole sat beside the chair, where I hung my food bags for my feeding tube. All very unpleasant memories. But those unpleasant memories bring joy and beauty that today there is no ambulance rides, there is no bleeding, there is no feeding tube attached to my face. There is health, and happiness, and blessings. We have grown as a family because of it, and became closer because of it, and God has been so faithful to us. Today, a year later I can rejoice in things that I didn't find worthy of rejoicing of before cancer.

God is good. All the time. Even when he doesn't answer prayers. I prayed that it wasn't cancer, and it was. But you know, God brought blessing after blessing from that cancer. He brought us to a wonderful church family, who took care of us like family after my surgery, for two months we had someone here every single day taking care of our family. I had a sister that slept on my couch, and sacrificed her comfort and sleep, just in case I started bleeding. I had a friend who gave up many many days of her summer to be here taking care of us. I had a husband who was there for every little need I had, even just when I felt scared I could wake him and he'd sit with me and calm me down. Just blessing after blessing after blessing. I could see Jesus all over the place.

He didn't leave me to fend for myself with the cancer. He was there. Just as he is today, right here, still, holding my hand, and rejoicing with me that I am still here today.
God is so good. I don't know how I could have made it through this without him.

I think I'll go have some ice cream with my kids.

Blessed be the name of the Lord. My healer.

Me. 1 year anniversay cancer free.

My scar one year ago.

My beautiful scar and testimony of a loving faithful, healing God.

Trust In Jesus

2011-06-07T10:12:00.001-05:00

Trust in Jesus

My great Deliverer

My strong Defender

The Son of God

I trust in Jesus

Blessed Redeemer

My Lord forever

The Holy One, the Holy One

"He's got this"

2011-06-07T07:45:00.000-05:00

I wrote some yesterday on how our Pastor talked about Jesus and how we don't live in the power that is available to us as Christians.

He also talked about God's sovereignty, and how God is sovereign over ALL things. What I loved was how Tommy said, "He's got this". God's got this, he knows what he's doing with this world, we don't have to worry, or give God advice, He's got it. We may not like the way God rolls, or how he does things, most of the time our small human minds just can't comprehend God's ways. We don't understand why their is sickness, cancer, tragedies, we don't understand, but regardless if we understand or not, he's in control. He's got this. :)

I have this image in my mind of God sitting on his throne, and Jesus beside him on his throne. It's a humbling thought.

I always knew God was in charge of things, but I tend to "forget" how in charge he is.

After my cancer, I thought, I better "take charge" of my health here. I did not do a very good job in the past so I better start doing what I can to keep myself alive. Ha! What was I thinking?

I am not saying we shouldn't take care of ourselves, by all means, we are commanded to take care of these bodies!! Keep them healthy and functioning well so we can serve the Lord!! So yes, we should exercise, and yes we should eat right, and take some supplements, Just do things to keep the body running well and keep us feeling well so we can serve him, but WE are not going to to keep us alive.

I was humbled, brought to my knees (actually my face) in the past few weeks with how in charge God is.

As I wrote about yesterday my friend Sarah was re-diagnosed with cancer. Sarah took good care of herself and her family. She did everything a person could to take care of her body, and yet, her cancer came back.

All I could think was, " God is on his throne". He's in charge. Sarah did was she was supposed to do, she took care of her body, but it's still God's decision what happens with her body. I am believing for Sarah that God has "got this" . I am believing that he knows what he's doing with this, even though I absolutely hate the fact that my friend and her family are going through this again.

HE is in charge.

He's in charge in the big things, like our health and life, and the little details of how we live our lives, if we let him.

I've been being convicted about our giving to the church for a good few months. One night our ladies bible study just spent the night praying over the church, and the biggest burden God laid on my heart that night was my pastor and his family, and the finances of the church. It has never left my mind. This past Sunday Tommy spoke of how our church was short money the past month, and that his family ends up sacrificing for that. This simply brought me to tears. This shouldn't be. Our pastor never, ever talks about giving money. Never. So please don't get the wrong idea of that. Our church is small, and God expects us to give. After all it's his money in the first place. I've been struggling with this in my mind for the last month or so how we can give more. Do we sell our house? Because honestly, does a Christian family need this size of house? Do we share the house with others? Do I get a job? Since Sunday, my mind has been racing even more, more like fretting about it. I'm trying to think of what we need to do to "fix" this situation.

This morning I pull out the daily devotional once again, and God speaks. ( I know, surprise surprise) I'm actually going to give you the kids version of the devotional cause it's easy to understand and to the point, here it is~

I AM ENOUGH

But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

Luke 12:31

I am all around you. Even when you don't notice me, I am here.

You may not notice Me because your mind is tied up with other things. Like WORRY. Alot of people believe that worry is just a part of life. But they are wrong. Worry is actually a kind of unbelief, (ouch) Worrying says you don't believe I am big enough to take care of whatever it is that upsets you so much. Worrying says you think I need your help.

Wrong! I am big enough. I am strong enough. I love you enough. Bring your problems to Me. You can trust Me to take care of you- and whatever you are worrying about!

Well then! God speaks!

Basically what this said to me was quit worrying and fretting over it, and pray to me!! Ask Me what you should do about your giving! Oh yeah, how could I have forgotten that huge part? Give it to the Lord and he will show us what to do! OK then! What a load off my back. " HE'S GOT IT!"

The devotional did also lead me to reading in Luke this morning and here is something the commentary says about money. It's something to think about.

It's from Verse 12:33-

Money seen as and end in itself quickly traps us and cuts us off from both God and the needy. The key to using money wisely is to see how much we can use for GOD'S PURPOSES, not how much we can accumulate for ourselves. Does God's love touch your wallet? Does your money free you to help others?? If so, you are storing up lasting treasures in heaven. If your financial goals and possessions hinder you from giving generously, loving others, or serving God, sell what you must to bring your life into line with his purposes.

Pretty heavy stuff this morning!! I am not sure I can even sum it all up!

~God is in control. That's one important fact. He reigns. Someday every knee will bow to him. Someday we will stand before him, or should I say get on our knees before him, or maybe even lay on our face before him.

~ He is not only in control, and "has it" but he loves us so deeply. We sometimes can't see it, we don't "understand" why he allows things, but he loves his children. We are his adopted children, and he loves us so much.

~ We must remember to pray, to give things to him. He can handle what we can't. Instead of worrying, we need to pray, hand it over to him, and let him show us what to do.

~ We must remember that our money is his. It is to be used for the kingdom and glory of God. We are to use our money to help others. Live our lives to help and serve others. Be God's hands and feet. Show people Christ through our lives.

Have a blessed day. No worrying- pray!!